Someone I Know Has Allegations Against Them
Hearing allegations about someone you know, admire, or have worked with can be deeply unsettling. Maybe they’re a friend, a former teacher, a casting director, an agent, a photographer, or a colleague you’ve only ever had positive interactions with. Suddenly, a very different side of them is being shared - and you don’t know what to believe or how to process it.
It is uncomfortable. It challenges what you thought you knew about that person and, sometimes, about the industry itself. But discomfort is not a reason to dismiss, discredit, or silence allegations. It’s a sign that you need to pause, reflect, and remember the following things:
Defamation isn’t as simple as people think
People don’t risk speaking out publicly unless they feel they have no other choice. In the UK (and most other countries), defamation laws are strict. If someone were to make up lies about a person and publish them, they could face serious legal and financial consequences. This means it’s far less likely that allegations - especially when made publicly, or covered by reputable press outlets - are fabricated.
At the same time, perpetrators often claim they have been “defamed” even when they haven’t. It’s a common tactic: attempting to flip the script, silence victims, and gain sympathy. A well-known example is Noel Clarke, who loudly denied allegations of misconduct, and who sued The Guardian in 2024 for defamation claiming their reporting of multiple women’s experiences were a “conspiracy.”Yet the breadth and consistency of the testimonies spoke volumes and the judge ruling over the case said Clarke had a “very clear motive to lie. […] I find that he has been untruthful about most of the allegations, in his efforts to salvage his career.”
Silence from victims doesn’t mean nothing happened
If a perpetrator has been arrested or investigated, victims are often bound by law and privacy rules. Even when arrests do take place, survivors can not publicly share that, even if it points to them telling the truth. If those speaking out against someone suddenly go quiet, that doesn’t mean what they said wasn’t true, that an arrest didn’t happen, or that the perpetrator has a defamation case. It just means the system is designed to protect both parties during the process - which often leaves victims appearing unsupported or exposed.
Two things can be true at once
You may have had nothing but a positive experience with the person being accused. That doesn’t erase or negate someone else’s experience. People who abuse power are often skilled at presenting different faces to different people. They may be generous with one person while manipulative or predatory with another.
If a perpetrator points to your positive story to prove their innocence, ask yourself: Why do they need to rely on me to defend them? What do they gain by dismissing or discrediting victims? And what do I gain by speaking out - other than risk?
The reality is, victims rarely gain much by sharing their experiences publicly. In fact, they often face backlash, disbelief, and even retaliation (like being branded a liar!) The motivation is not personal gain - it’s usually a desperate attempt to protect others from going through the same harm.
The industry attracts (and creates) opportunists
The creative arts lack proper regulation and safeguarding, making them fertile ground for misconduct. This industry doesn’t just attract people who want to exploit others; sometimes, it creates them. Individuals who start with good intentions may discover how easy it is to take advantage of hierarchies, gatekeeping, or desperate artists looking for opportunities. Over time, opportunism can turn into exploitation.
This is why we cannot afford to look the other way or excuse bad behaviour just because it hasn’t touched us personally.
Defensiveness enables harm
When allegations surface, it’s natural to feel loyal to someone you know. But rushing to their defence, calling victims liars, or painting things as “misunderstandings” has real consequences. It discourages others from speaking out, reinforces the culture of silence, and makes it easier for perpetrators to continue their behaviour unchecked.
Yes, it’s uncomfortable to hear negative things about someone you trusted. But your discomfort is nothing compared to the trauma experienced by victims. Choosing to sit with that discomfort and listen, instead of shutting it down, is one way to shift the culture of enabling that has gone on for far too long.
If you’re struggling with what to believe…
Remember:
Allegations rarely appear out of nowhere. When stories start surfacing, it often points to a longer pattern of behaviour.
Victims take huge risks by speaking out. Perpetrators take huge risks by doubling down and denying.
Believing victims doesn’t mean you have to discard every positive memory you have of the accused person. It simply means you’re acknowledging that your personal experience is not the whole truth.
This industry desperately needs more people willing to confront the reality of misconduct. By acknowledging allegations, listening to victims, and resisting the urge to jump to defence, you become part of the solution.
You can still hold the complexity: you once valued someone, but now you also recognise the harm they’ve caused to others. Pretending that harm doesn’t exist only enables abuse to continue.
If someone you know is accused of misconduct, take a breath. Sit with the discomfort. Listen. Ask questions. And remember that empowering victims to speak out is what creates the change this industry so badly needs.
Written by Alexa Morden
If you’ve unknowingly enabled bad practice from someone who has since been exposed, here is SOME ADVICE